It was almost a wait of 10 long years after which my second book got launched. A strongly felt thought came to life in the form of my novel ‘In The game of love: one step forward two steps back’, published by Vitasta publishing pvt. ltd. Though it seemed almost like a repetition of the event 10 years back, that was 4 th October 2007, when my 1 st book titled ‘Everyday Vegetarian Cooking’, a book on food and Nutrition published by Rupa publication, was launched by Smt Sheila Dixit ji the second launch was interestingly different.
The venue was meticulously arranged by my husband Sandeep, my son Tutu and Mr Ramakant Dwivediji : the three seminar halls combined into one at India International Centre, saw a heated discussion where the panellists namely; Mr Abhigyan Prakash(Senior journalist NDTV), Dr Dhananjay Singh(United Service Institution), Ms Shamina Shafiq(former member NCW), Dr Roshan Khanijo(JNU),and Mr Amit Shanker(Author of bestseller novels) also handling the role of a moderator, discussed the issue raised in the book. After launching the book, Smt Sheila Dixit(hon’ble former Delhi Chief minister) beautifully explained how our society prays goddesses like Laxmi(for wealth), Saraswati(for brains) and Durga(for power) but when it comes to actual practice women have to bear the burden of societies mal practices.
The speech was followed by a debate which was efficiently moderated by Mr Amit Shanker, a well known author of bestselling novels.Excerpts from the debate: Abhigyan Prakash- Women can prove themselves better than men wherever they are given a level playing field. Women have high tolerance power so they can work towards strengthening their position for a longer duration. And, in the current scenario women have already achieved their position in society; hence it is high time we stop harping on poor women theory. So talking about women empowerment is all farce and is no longer needed. Dr Dhananjay Singh said that women are performing a very important role, but because the role is not considered significant by our society, it is not given any recognition too. A wife should clearly identify with husband’s position and status. Ms Shamina Shafiq said that what Mr Abhigyan talked about in respect to status of women does not hold true in case of women living in smaller towns/villages and sub urban areas. She also said that women should get reservation in parliament. Just as a spring hurts after bouncing back if held back for long in suppressed position, women too are giving back to society because they were marginalised by our predecessors. Dr Roshan said that children learn by example, so the parents have a responsibility to teach their children a spirit of respect for each other in family. The responsibility of household work should be shared by all the members of society. While each member expressed their point of view the debate was shifting towards a seemingly verbal war between the members speaking from opposite sides for two genders, ie a man and a woman. Its really a matter of concern that the two sections of society i.e a man and a woman, who should complement each other for carrying the society forward are fighting a war amongst themselves. Our idea should be collaboration between partners and not conflict. As such a conflict willlead to a catastrophe that will end this civilization. The aim of story in the book is to bring out the importance of a family, and the pain a homemaker takes in nurturing it. The book’s central issue is the changing role of women in today’s society. A Man and a woman are the two pillars of a family, each important and indispensable in their own unique way, and both having important roles to play. But, while the man’s role has remained fairly clear and constant, it is the woman’s role which has had to bear the upheavals of time. The gender defined roles are getting diffused, but that diffusion is happening only from one side. Women are moving outside their homes to pursue career, but there has been very little change in the role of a male stereotype. This transition is taking a toll on all educated women, irrespective of the fact whether they are taking up a career outside or working in their homes as homemakers: a) The women taking up a career have to bear double burden of work.
There was an article in the telegraph, UK, published in 2015, that how ‘Do it all’ generation of women are suffering from stress epidemic. Apart from the stress at work, they have to bearadditional stress because they are still the primary caretaker of children and are responsible for housework. They also have to face the bias at workplaces. The feeling of guilt for not being able to spend enough time with their children also adds to their trouble. b) But does that mean that the women who take up the home-care responsibilities are better off? No, it is not the case either. The homemakers are considered less productive by our society, so much so, that the “home-care work”, or calling it differently …the “unpaid care responsibilities”, doesn’t even classify as any work. Hence, despite the fact that a homemaker is breaking her back 24×7 to make the living of her family comfortable, she gets no appreciation for her work. The thankless, unpaid, and unappreciated work makes the life of a homemaker lose its purpose, leading them to face an identity crisis that, in turn, leads to depression. Prominent counsellor and author of “Why Does He Do That?” L. Bancroft, said, “The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious.” This observation resonates deeply in India, where the mental well-being of individuals, especially women, is hardly discussed. Studies have also shown that women are more prone to depression because of social conditioning that leads to lower self-worth and confidence.
As per one 2014 report, over 20,000 Indian housewives took their lives. In the same year, 5,650 farmers also committed suicide. But you can guess which statistics made the headlines. Far too many Indian women struggle daily with depression for multiple reasons; yet, it is little discussed. My protagonist also undergoes the same situation which makes her question her own decision to sacrifice her career for home. So, it is a real dilemma for today’s women as to which side of
the double-edged sword should they walk? In my opinion, it is high time that all of us, especially men, should understand the importance of the smallest building block of our society, i.e. family, a home. All our pursuits are directed towards embellishing and enriching our homes where our future generation i.e. our children, grow up. Hope that the after reading the book my readers take a moment to ponder over the pace at which we are trying to accumulate material wealth at the cost of losing our mental peace and happiness of a strong bond in the family.A change is needed in the mindset of people, and a trend should set in to prioritize people over profits.